2012

The single most difficult year of my life. It has also been the most life changing for me, personally. I have grown in my faith and in the way I live my life so significantly that I wouldn't be the person I am today without having gone through this most horrendous and beautiful year.

Sleeping Beauty (January 2012)

Holding my sweet girl (January 2012)

Precious awake time (February 2012)

From January to March 2012, I spent every second I could with my daughter, Kaitlyn.
I was by her side as she fought an unimaginable disease that took her life on March 22nd at 12:34pm. I also felt God's immense presence in our lives during quiet moments lying next to her as she and/or I slept.

Sleepy Girls (February 2012)

Happy Dreams! (February 2012)

Flowers and Butterflies (March 2012)

God wrapped His arms around us and gave us the opportunity to turn our nightmare into His work. Kaitlyn changed lives. She was here for a reason and God used her to reach into the hearts of thousands across the world. He is still using her here for good.

Many people across the world released balloons for Kaitlyn on her birthday

Butterfly release

Kaitlyn's 3rd Birthday

After she passed away, I had to face many ugly realities over the spring and summer that I had chosen to put on hold while Kaitlyn was with us. A decision I don't regret. I wanted to spend the little time I had left with Kaitlyn being the best mom I could be for her. That meant being happy and making the most of every day for her. She deserved that. 

Quality time

The summer was full of praying, counseling and trying to figure out "What now?". There were good times, there were rough times. I went to church and cried out to God... a lot. He carried me through the storm.

Holding sweet Amber (NPA) at the Niemann-Pick Conference over the summer

Cole and Amber at the conference

Voted into the National Niemann-Pick Disease Foundation Board of Directors!

The fall and winter, I focused on Cole. I watched him grow and learn. I saw life through his eyes. A priceless gift that changed the way I looked at the world and what simple happiness means. God also brought some incredibly amazing people into my life. People who cared for me and actually took care of me. Some of you will understand this, especially those of you who have had a sick child. There was a point when I took care of everyone else and had no one to take care of me. I was fine with that. My priority was taking care of Kaitlyn. It was what it was.

Dachshund races! Cole thought it was hilarious!

Silly times

Merry Christmas!

So here I am at the end of the year. The holidays were surprisingly okay, emotionally for me, without Kaitlyn here. I am realizing that the end of this year has been harder on me than I thought it would be. 

It is a bittersweet end of year for me but I have faith and hope that God will continue to work in my life and that 2013 will be a year filled with blessings.

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. "The Lord is my portion." says my soul, "therefore I will hope in Him."