Love Birthday

Today is bittersweet. Deanna celebrates her birthday and deserves to feel happy and focus on herself, but with all the weight of what is going on with Kaitlyn it is difficult to follow the adage of “Happy Birthday” since the struggle we see is anything but happy and the focus must be on Kaitlyn. If it can’t be a happy birthday then I say let’s make it a “Love Birthday” filled with memories of love between a mother and her precious daughter. So to Deanna I say I hope you have a great “Love Birthday” and that you feel more love today than ever before.

What better gift than to be able to hold her baby girl

A beautiful bond

Kaitlyn had a rough night last night.  Her breathing was very congested no matter which side we turned her on. We gave her morphine every two hours to try and help her, but she still seemed to be awake quite a bit. She tries to cough, but it comes out like a hard breath and sounds just horrible.  When I hear her I just want to cough for her. Her eyes are also very yellow again and the fluid is still present in her abdomen even having gone 6 days now without food. We want nothing more than to feed her, but we know that if we do it will make the fluid and lung congestion even worse. It’s a horrible place to be, but we have always listened to Kaitlyn and we feel her body is telling us it can’t handle the food.

Snuggled with her glow worm

Hospice came this morning and checked her over. She seemed to think Kailtyn was very close, possibly within 24 hours. Hospice, Deanna, and I have felt that way before and even shared it openly on here, but we all know this is Kaitlyn and she is a tough girl and doesn’t follow “normal” so we will just take it one day at a time like we have been. I must admit though, I think her fight is wearing out. She sleeps most all of the day and her hands and feet are often cold while her body runs hot. Her breathing seems more labored, her O2 often settles in the low 80’s, and her congestion/cough is constant and difficult to hear and watch. 

Pretty in her big white bow

We certainly love her beyond what words can even express, but part of me wants her to not have to struggle and fight anymore. I know what is waiting for her when she decides its time and she deserves that far more than she deserves the struggle that awaits her here every day. 

Wrapped in love

As always please continue to pray for comfort for Kaitlyn and if you would like, join me in wishing Deanna a “Love Birthday” so she knows how loved she is.